My father was a hardworking man but, finding things just too much for him he engaged a domestic help Mrs. Clark and a woman called Mrs. Barnes to do the baking for the family. His mother helped him whenever she could, but this was quite hard for her at times. She had a grocery store and sweet shop to run and her husband Johnny was bedfast having had a stroke.

I loved my granddad who before having his stroke often took me with him to the reading room (there was no such place as a library in those days). All of the elderly and unemployed men went there to read the daily newspapers. Even though this meant that they may have to wait their turn to see the papers, it was the only way they could do so as most of the unemployed could not afford to buy them. This was always thought to be a good place for the unemployed menfolk to go to pass the time away by having a read and a good gossip. Some of the other pastimes were games such as Allies and Quoits. Another favoured game was Fives, this was played with five men on each side. The game was something akin to Tennis or more like Squash . It was played on the gable ends of the short terraced streets, using a tennis ball and striking the ball with the clenched fist. Most villages had a gable end somewhere which had been rendered to give a good surface and the forecourt of the gable end was levelled making this suitable for competitive matches with other villages and rival Public House teams.

Many of the unemployed also kept Pigeons, the Fantails and Tumblers being for show. The Milers and Long Distance birds had the highest prestige, the blood line of the best ones were in great demand and a consistent race winner was worth a lot of money. Whippet and Greyhound racing was a great priority in the lives of some men (often the dogs were fed on the best and the families taking second place). Then, the same as today money (which they could ill afford) was gambled on the outcome of the races. Gambling was illegal in those days and the Bookie’s Runners as they were known were to be found on the street corners taking bets. Occasionally these runners were caught red-handed by the police with the betting slips in their pockets. It was not unknown for the runners to eat the betting slips trying to evade being prosecuted. Gambling Schools were held in a secluded place just outside of the village with a look- out posted. and should he give the signal that a Bobby was in sight they snatched up the money and ran off. This gambling game was in the form of the men standing in a circle. The man who tossed the pennies stood in the centre. Bets were laid on the outcome of which way up the tossed pennies fell. Two heads being the winning bet, head and tail was thrown again.

One Saturday morning in the reading room with Granddad, I sang and danced on the long table for an old man’s birthday, he was ninety years old. He gave me a penny.

“Do you mind if I share this with my brother Ron?” I asked.

The old man laughed and said

“Here you are you might as well have another one for him.”

Although my family were not poor Ron and I were given only one penny each week for pocket money, but we thought this was fine and were never in any doubt as to what to do with it. A trip to the Saturday Matinee to see such stars as Shirley Temple, Roy Rodgers, Buck Jones ,Tom Mix and many more. These films were very often serialised so it was very important to go again the next Saturday afternoon to see the next sequel. On the way into the picture house a man stood at the door taking the penny charge from each child and another man standing opposite him gave the child a chocolate log or a candy mouse. I liked the candy mouse best of all and sucked it ever so slowly to try and make it last throughout the whole show, but alas it never did no matter how hard I tried.

One day my father told me to put on my best, my very best dress as he was taking me somewhere special. I quickly dressed without question eager to go but wondering why only me and not Ron. It was Wednesday when I should have been at school. After an hour’s ride in the car we arrived at a very large building. Crossing a veranda at the side of the building we went through the large glass doors which were already standing wide open, and there in a neatly made bed was Mammy. I was so overwhelmed to see my Mammy I wanted to fling my arms around her, but could not understand why Daddy held me back and would not allow me to go too close. Daddy had already been told by the nursing sister that when he brought me to see my mother I must remain at the foot of the bed and should Mammy begin to cough I must be removed from the room immediately. Mammy was much better now but precautions still had to be taken. I was happy to have found my Mam as I had never been told, and had never dared to ask where she was. It seemed a sort of taboo subject. These were the days when children, it was said should be seen and not heard.

The day came when my mother came home. The house was spruced up. The brass fire irons, brass ornaments and the large brass fender around the hearth sparkled. The large sideboard mirror which covered most of the back wall in the room reflected not only the flames dancing from the fire but the whole room. The grand piano had been removed creating a space under the open stairway, it was quite a large space. In all country cottages those days with so much illness about this space became known as ‘The Bed Place’.

I spent many happy hours on the bed, now able to be close up to my mother singing and laughing together. Mammy’s jewellery box was my favourite, I liked dressing up in her beads and bangles but the best treat was being allowed to put on mammy’s “Gold Watch” with an expanding bracelet strap. The watch was sort of flat, like the shape of a Smartie sweet, but about the size of a penny with a clear white face: I loved this!

“One day it will be yours” Mammy said.

“It will be put away safe until you are old enough to wear it. You will look such a toff, won’t you, I shall be so proud of you”

It was a cold winter’s afternoon as Ron and I came home from school to the sound of a familiar voice in the doorway.

“I’ll be back tomorrow” the voice said.

I looked up at the smiling face of the doctor. Mammy had relapsed and was quite ill. She was not to be taken to hospital this time, but was to be allowed to stay in her own bed, but once more Ron and I had to stay well out of the way.

The days past and they became colder it was now December and I wondered what we could do to make Christmas nice for Mammy.

“I know” said Ron “we will make paper butterflies and hang them on the curtains, stairway and the walls around Mammy’s bed.”

I thought that this was a splendid idea and off I went to get some crepe paper, pins and glue. The butterflies turned out very well and looked quite beautiful.

Mammy, thanking her two children, said it was the nicest Christmas present she had ever had. We could not believe our eyes on Christmas morning, a huge tree all lit up. Boxes and bags filled the room, never before had we had so much for Christmas, but I could not understand why everyone who came to visit kept saying

“Poor Bairns, God Love Them”

We aren’t poor and does not God love everybody already, so why is the lady asking him to love us. The next few days it seemed as though everyone we knew came to see Mammy, always talking in whispers and missing words out here and there. But a bright child soon fills in the gaps.

Saturday afternoon Grandma called on one of her many visits and took Ron and me to her shop. Although I liked nothing better than being in the shop I could not take my mind from the odd half sentences that I had been hearing over the last few days. It was Saturday; Penny Saturday, pocket money day but I did not dare ask about going to the picture show. I said nothing to my dear brother Ron to whom I confided everything, he also was silent.

At half past three Grandma closed up the shop and we went across to her house. As the clock in the living room struck four the door rattled with the sound of its knocker and Grandma rushed to answer it.

“You can take them home now Liz” a voice said, and that was all, not another word was spoken.

As I clasped my hand in Grandma’s whilst walking along the narrow footpath, frightening thoughts surged through my young mind. Grandma was astonished when looking up at her I said

“Mammy is dead now, isn’t she?”

As we entered the flower filled room I saw Mammy laid out in her bed, she looked so pale and thin. I noticed at once that the beautiful butterflies had all been taken down and in their place a huge drape of white muslin hung from the ceiling to down behind the bed. The muslin was covered from top to bottom with mauve and purple bows. At each side of the bed on large stands were white lilies in beautiful arrangements.

“It’s beautiful” I said

“But what are those bows for?”

“They are called keepsakes” replied Grandma and she began to explain what a keepsake was, followed by a fuller explanation. The large one at the top is for you, the next two slightly smaller ones are for your brothers. The smaller ones are for other relations and friends who come to the funeral. Daddy and Grandma explained to Ron and me just what we had to do that night when we were ready for bed. Later that day I called for Ron

“Come and see”

There was a big box in the living room and the bed and Mammy had gone.

I stood waiting for Maggie, a young lady who had been appointed to look after me. She was not to live-in as she lived only a short distance away. Father thought that in an all-male household this was the proper thing to do. Whilst I stood looking out of the window I saw an old gentleman coming up the street, he was dressed in grey with a large moustache, he came right to our door. I thought his face was familiar but I did not know who he was. As he came through our door, I turned to Ron and whispered

“Who is he? Who is he?”

“It’s Granddad Oliver, Mammy’s Daddy you silly billy” he replied.

Grandfather who prior to Mammy’s illness had been living with us for about two years or so had returned from a long stay with his sister. By this time Maggie had already arrived and filled the large kettle which she placed on the fire hob to as it hit the hot fire bars.

“Tell Me, Tell Me I want to know.”

“You will know about things like that when you grow up” was Maggie’s answer.

“But I might die, then I will never know.”

“Never mind for now” said Maggie as she patted me dry with the big bath towel.

“It is time you were in bed, tomorrow will be a long day.”

After I was finished Ron then bathed himself. At eight o’ clock bed-time when all of the guests had arrived to pay their last respects Ron and I were ready to carry out our instructions. We walked hand in hand in our clean night clothes knelt down on two purple cushions at the side of the coffin and began to pray. ‘Our Father Which Art In Heaven’ After the first line everyone else joined in. When the prayer was over Grandma asked me

“Would you like to see your Mammy”.?

I did not know just what to think about that, I looked at Ron and nodded my head in a gesture of yes. So Daddy lifted me up and bent me over to kiss Mammy. I thought how pale and strange she looked, her face so white and her lips yellow, just like bacon rind. I stretched out my hand to stroke her hair as I whispered

“Goodbye Mammy, I Love You.”

After bidding everyone goodnight, hand in hand we went up the white painted stairway. As we were going up I was aware of a voice still saying “Poor bairns God love them,” but I now knew what it meant. A lump welled in my throat but I fought back my tears and tightened my grip on Ron’s hand.

The next morning after breakfast Maggie lifted down from the top of the wardrobe a large flat box and took off the lid.

“What is that?” I asked as I saw the black and white things in the box.

“Patience child stop fidgeting or I will never have you ready.”

First came out a white blouse, then a St. Trinian’s style gym slip which when hung on my little body came down to mid-calf with its woven band way down on my hips. White socks came out next followed by; OH DEAR! Black High Ankle Button Boots which had long since gone out of fashion. They could only be fastened by the use of a button hook. When the boots were buttoned up no legs could be seen, and to crown it all a grey brimmed hat with a hot cross bun marking on the top. I hated it.

“What a sight I look” almost in tears “Everyone will laugh at me” I protested (but only to Maggie), I did not dare let my Father or Grandmother hear this.

“Never mind” said Maggie “You will grow into it.”

The big black cars arrived, some of the neighbours and my school friends looked on as I got into one of the cars assisted by one of the two strange looking gentlemen equally dressed in long black frock coats, and high black hats with broad ribbons which hung down to shoulder level at the back. They had long thin grey faces which caused me to feel a little afraid. I saw the large glass sided hearse entombing Mammy in the polished wooden coffin with large brass handles. The top of the hearse was covered with beautiful floral tributes. I sat silently as the car moved off slowly to the church. After I had braved the awful experience of seeing my Mammy being put down into the grave followed by the usual practice of throwing flowers and earth into the grave I reached over and dropped in my flowers which was a small spray of cyclamens which had been picked from Grandmother’s plant growing on the kitchen window-sill. Carnations were Mammy’s favourite flowers but were not available at this time of the year. I sat very quietly on the journey back home, not daring to lift my head to look out of the car windows at the rude boys who were putting their tongues out at me. I felt quite strange and alone at not being in the same car as Ron.

Arriving home the house was filled with the sound of chinking teacups, the clink of plates as the ladies served Ham and pease pudding to mourners, followed by cream cakes. This was the usual fare offered on these occasions.

“Eat up love,” said Maggie, “you know that you didn’t have any breakfast, aren’t you hungry?”

As I looked up at Maggie I felt at ease with her, I sensed that Maggie loved me and only then for the first time the tears that had been held back over the past few days began to flow and run down my cheeks.

Maggie slipped her arm around me, “Come on my little chick try and eat.”

I was suddenly aware of the numb feeling in my stomach, this was the first time that anyone other than Mammy had spoken so gently to me. I ate up my food and within fifteen minutes was fast asleep. Maggie carried me upstairs and laid me on the top of my bed covering me up with the eiderdown.

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