CHAPTER FIFTEEN

I got my interview with Madam. It was a magnificent house standing in about three acres of well-maintained gardens. Other staff were the cook, a general cleaner, a chauffeur gardener and now me. I was to start as soon as I possibly could.

I gave notice at the little shop to leave at the weekend. I didn’t welcome the thought of telling Mam. How was I to do this? There was nothing else for it, but just come straight out with it. So when I got in from work on the Friday night I told her.

“I’ve got a new job, Mam.”

“Oh, have you. Where and what is it? I don’t remember telling you that you could do that.”

“Mam, I am almost sixteen now, and Dad told me two years ago that when I was sixteen I could please myself what I did, within reason of course, and that I can now have a boy- friend.

“You aren’t sixteen yet my girl, and I suppose that you have been seeing that Jim Robinson again.”

“No Mam I haven’t, I have never seen him since we moved here and I left the canteen.”

I told her that the job was a living-in one.

“Leave home indeed, and who is going to help me?”

“But Mam, you won’t need any help when there is only you and Dad. You might even get a little bungalow somewhere.”

“What nonsense girl, your Dad won’t like that.”

“I think he might, if it had a garden.”

“I want to hear no more about it, not another word.”

“You must Mam. You must let me go.”

“Must girl, must, I must nothing.”

I was getting nowhere, so I decided to say no more.

I went upstairs and began to sort out my clothes.

“What are you doing up there?” Mam shouted up the stairs.

I told her and there was silence. She was very quiet all the weekend but Dad said it was alright. Sunday evening I went to my new home in West Park, with only one bag as that was all I could carry. ready to take up my new job on Monday morning.

My days off were to be Wednesday afternoon, Saturday and Sunday afternoons. Mam didn’t help me in any way, she didn’t ask me if there was anything I needed, she didn’t even say goodbye. I told her that I would be home on Wednesday afternoon to help her, and that I would give her ten shillings of my wages. She still never spoke.

I had my own bedroom and bathroom, and had the sitting room all to myself after the other staff had left at night. This room was just off the kitchen and had its own radio. The Master and Madam used the upstairs sitting room most of the time. The drawing room with the sun parlour was unbelievably beautiful with a baby grand piano. The whole house was something to be admired. Being a ship owner, the Master was quite wealthy. My duties were to help Madam with whatever she wanted to do. She loved the garden, and we spent many hours there. I went into town with her to do the ordering from the shops, we were driven there by the chauffeur in the beautiful black ‘New Hudson’ car, which always shone like a mirror.

I got on very well with Madam, and even though I was always at her beck and call, I enjoyed it. I was well fed, on the best of food. I cleaned my own room and also Madam’s room. She liked me to sit by her when she took her afternoon nap. I made her a cup of tea ready before wakening her at half past three. It was a very well-run house, but when it was cook’s day off Madam liked to cook the meals herself, with me beside her to handle the pans on the cooker. She taught me lots of good recipes, and many things I’d never heard of. On these days I also did the washing-up, but I even enjoyed this. Madam was very good to me, treating me more like a relation than a paid help. I was pleased to do all I could for her.

Wednesday afternoon I went home as I had promised, I did some housework and prepared the tea. As I was ready to go I went upstairs to get the rest my things.

“Where are you going?” Mam asked me.

“I’m going to get my things.”

“You don’t live here anymore, and you have no business up my stairs.”

I reached my room to find everything gone.

“Where are my things?”

“Your things! Everything in this house is mine, not yours.”

Even my photo of Mammy Irene with the purple ribbon keepsake tied to it had gone. When I asked her about this she said that she had thrown all of that rubbish out, and that I didn’t want stuff like that. I did want it, it was the only photo of my mother that I had, but she would not answer me. I left to go back to West Park without it, I never did get it back nor did I ever get my Mammy’s gold watch.

Two months later I received a letter from Jim telling me that he had missed me at the canteen, and would I meet him as he thought that I was sixteen by now. It was a very nice letter. On the Saturday afternoon I took the letter to show Dad and to ask his permission as I still had two months to go before I was sixteen. When I got there, no one was in. I didn’t know what to do, it was twelve thirty and Jim had asked me to meet him at one o’clock. Aunt Ruth lived the closest, so I decided to go and see her. I gave her the letter and asked her what I should do.

“Well,” she said when she had finished reading the letter.

“I think that this is a letter from a very sincere person with good intentions. I think that you should keep this date You go and leave our Hannah and your Dad to me.”

I was delighted with Aunt Ruth’s advice and with a happy heart off I went to meet him. The next Wednesday neither Hannah or Dad said anything about it until I was leaving, and Hannah said

“Well then, when are you bringing him home? I don’t want you meeting him at the corner ends”

I don’t know what Aunt Ruth had said, but it must have been in my favour. Only a few times did Jim meet me at home, and then he was given permission from Madam to call for me at West Park. Madam became very fond of Jim and often made him a cup of coffee whilst he waited for me to get changed.

One day she told me that she was very pleased with me, and hoped that I would not ever leave. She realised that I would marry one day, but hoped that it would be a long time before I did.

It was nice to know that someone appreciated me, and what I did for them. I think her arthritis gave her a lot of pain, causing her to be a little temperamental at times, but compared to Hannah it was like humouring a cross kitten instead of a raging tiger. I still had a great deal of sympathy for Hannah, but felt that I owed her nothing. In a way I cared about her and hoped that Dad and she would someday find peace.

One Saturday afternoon I called to see Mam and Dad.

“Come and see what I have here.”

Dad took me along the hall to the kitchen where he had a pail full of Chrysanthemums, and stretching out his hand towards them he said

“What de yer think o’ them?”

“They’re beautiful Dad. Have you grown them?”

“Aye a hev, they’re the biggest yet.”

Just at that moment my cousin Betty came in

“Hello Uncle Alby,” she said.

“Hello there hinny, come and see what ‘arv got fer yer.”

Dad gathered up an armful of the flowers and gave them to Betty saying

“Here the is hinny, ah nars the likes flowers.”

Then they both walked off into the sitting room leaving me standing there. I got on with the washing-up for mam and shortly after Betty called goodbye to me and I went to see her off. She smiled at me as she looked at the flowers, remarking on how white they were.

“Yes, I hope that your Mam will like them.”

Thinking how nice it would be if Aunt Mary could see them, but as she was blind she would just be able to run her fingers over them and enjoy having them. As I left to go back to West Park I gave Mam her ten shillings, Dad shouted from the kitchen

“Tarrar, see yer next Wednesday.”

“Goodbye,” I said and left.

I must admit to feeling a little hurt, Dad knew fine well that no- one loved flowers more than I did. But where were mine?

The next Wednesday Dad asked if I would like half a dozen white chrysanthemums to take for Madam.

“Oh yes, I think that she will love them.”

“There yer are then, that’ll be six shillings.”

I could not believe that Dad would charge me for six flowers, but he did. I would not let him see that it hurt me, for I felt sure that this was what he wanted. Just like the time when he got out Mammy’s jewel box and asked what I liked best. When I told him he just said

“Oh de yer?” and closed the box.

The next time I saw Aunt Ruth she was wearing the brooch I had chosen. He probably thought that this was teasing me, but I thought it was rather spiteful and I didn’t know why. I had always done everything I could for Dad, even trying to do things like a boy so that he would think of me as a boy. Always being conscious of the fact that dad had always said he liked boys better than girls.

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